A Christmas letter to Big Samta

Dear Big Samta,

I’ve been good this year. Really good. I renewed my season ticket even though I couldn’t afford it. I bought away tickets, cup tickets, and have been cheering and clapping and singing and yelling and swearing diligently at every game- whether in person or from a dodgy Internet link.

I’ve been a good little supporter this year.

But you, Big Samta, you’re kinda on my naughty list. This season has been rubbish so far. I know the second season is never easy (although, you know… Southampton) and we’ve been bitterly unlucky with injuries and referees.

But with that in mind, I’ve got a big Christmas list for West Ham; and since I’ve been really good this year- I better get everything on the list.

1. At least one competent, healthy, proficient striker in the January transfer window. Preferably two; I mean obviously our current use of strikers is… sublime, but wouldn’t it be nice to see two people up front scoring goals? Be still my beating heart.

2. A new TV for the Alpari Upper and/or faster queue service. The only thing worse than watching bad football is watching it on a fuzzy TV because it took 15 plus minutes to get a beer to numb the pain/cold. There’s no way TVs are even that expensive. Surely they are less than 0.5% that what Modibo Maiga earns each week, so please can we…redistribute some assets and buy a new TV?

3. Some points. Don’t care who they are against, how we get them, etc– we just need to get some darn points from somewhere. It would be so nice to not get relegated. So, so nice.

4. Kevin Nolan to evaluate his role for the club. He worked wonders for us last year, scored goals, and looked like a leader. While he’s on his usual Christmas period suspension, hopefully he has a think about what’s gone wrong this year. He doesn’t look fit, he’s not contributing well, and the only time I see him running is when he’s heading into an offside position.

Really, it’s not too much to ask. I mean obviously I’d love for peace on earth, goodwill for all, and all that– but more than anything, I just want us to start playing better football, and see us score some goals.

Oh, and I want a partridge in a pear tree….or at least Andy Carroll back on the pitch before 2015.

What’s on your Christmas list from West Ham? Write it out below or tweet me @makingthemarrow