Welcome to the West Ham family

Not long ago I wrote a piece for this site about what it takes to be a West Ham fan, almost the DNA of a West Ham fan. This basically outlined how we, The Hammers faithful, are perceived and what attributes the majority of us have. However, turning this on its head somewhat, I recently had to try and explain to a complete football novice, what a normal match day routine was/is and what to expect on a first trip to East London.  

 

 

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This all started, when talking to a barmaid/student who decided she wished to experience a day out at West Ham with me. Now, in a non-unkind way, I suddenly realised that this wasn’t to be an easy task to explain. As someone who travels from Dorset to see The Hammers, the uneducated may assume that this is simply a case of hopping on the train, getting off at Waterloo, stopping off somewhere nice for a spot of lunch and then heading to West Ham in time for kick off. Wrong. Oh so wrong. Routine suggests that we get on said train around 8am, and, due to my Saturday intolerance to sobriety, have a few Guinness’ on the journey. From there it’s across the bridge to The Princess Of Wales at Embankment, few pints there and off towards the ground where we stop at The Queens. Lunch has never been an option! At 2:45 we hit blind panic at the realisation we may miss kick-off.

 

 

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The next question thrown at me was a question that, as a man, I struggled to comprehend. Now, that isn’t meant to sound sexist but stay with me on this one. As a guy, a VERY blokey guy with, on match day at least, a restricted vocabulary, you won’t be surprised to hear I was slightly taken aback and lost for words when asked what the dress code would be. On explaining it’s the norm to wear the team’s shirt and that I would lend a top to her, we had to choose a colour. And that’s where the next problem arose. Conversation then advanced to which shirt would best suit her, would it go with her bag, which then in turn went on to size of bag she’d require. As a single bloke, (West Ham took over from any prospective relationships a long time ago) I struggled to understand why you’d need a bag at a football match. Whilst I take my tickets, phone and cash to a game, these normally travel in my pockets. I also fail to need to take ‘perfume and lipstick.’ Nor do I ever imagine I will. On this ocassion I was helpless. As in I had no answer that was polite! I still haven’t thought of one.

 

 

The final quandry was my own downfall. I’d mentioned that I get ‘involved’ whilst at a game. Trying to explain what ‘getting involved’ is to a non-football fan isn’t easy. The enjoyment of the banter before kick-off, the songs and suggestive comments about your rivals AND opposition, the relentless barracking of the match officials and the elation of seeing us score. The easy option was to therefore share a limited version of what actually goes on. I explained there were songs such as ‘Bubbles’ along with tributes to Kevin Nolan and Carlton Cole amongst others. I also mentioned there were often sing-alongs such as ‘The Hokey Cokey’ on the tube train after the match. I neglected to explain some songs, such as the tribute to Christian Dailly that is at best, slightly crude to an outsider! Thinking I had explained everything regarding the songs, I was then asked if we could ‘dance Gangnam style’ during the songs. My blank, expression-free face no doubt answered that before words could.

 

 

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And so there we go. My enthusiasm and passion has led someone to want to (possibly) join the West Ham family. Whilst I have done my best to explain a normal day out to her, it is no doubt better to see it for yourself, experience the atmosphere for yourself, and then make your mind up. So, if on January 19th, at home to QPR, I am seen in The Queens, with my head in my hands, quietly sobbing. Then elsewhere, in the same pub, there will be a student at her first West Ham match trying to dance Gangnam Style.

 

Smudgy

 

@TheRobTaylor32