Top FIVE Worst Hammers Goalkeepers

We’ve all seen a howler or two at the Boleyn Ground and coming up with a piece about the top 5 worst keepers to grace the hallowed turf seemed like a good idea at the time but on reflection it seemed easier to name my 5 worst curries down Green Street. However, with a bit of lateral thinking I’ve come up with what I believe to be the 5 worst West Ham keepers of all time. Well, since the 1970’s anyway…enjoy.

The fastest growing Hammers website is now on Facebook, click the link to be entered into our up and coming competitions http://www.facebook.com/pages/ForeverWestHamcom/200938616608282

 

Zipping in at Number 5 it’s our man from across the Channel, give it up for BERNARD LAMA. Our gallic pal joined us during the Harry Redknapp era as cover for the stricken Shaka Hislop. Things began well enough for the braided haired stopper when the Irons forced our friends from the North, Arsenal to a FA Cup quarter final replay after a battling draw at Highbury. At a typically feverish Upton Park the Hammers had squared up to an Arsenal side reduced to 10 men after a stray Dennis Bergkamp elbow disfigured the Ginger Steve Lomas but still boasting the likes of Viera, Petit, Overmars and some kid called Anelka. Fighting back with a late Johnny Hartson equaliser the game went into extra time and, finally, penalties. Lama, having spent a good 70 minutes twiddling his pouces now had the chance to become a hero in front of the expectant Hammers faithful. Kicking into the Bobby Moore end, Arsenal first up balloon the ball high into the East End Sky and we’re on our way to a Semi Final with Wolves. Time for Bernard to show his flair and class. Except he doesn’t. Despite each exhausted Arsenal player barely summoning the strength to kick the ball our Bernard dives every which way but at the ball, not getting the hint as a succession of knackered Gooners drove the ball straight down the middle and shooting the Hammers straight out of the Cup. Sacre Bleu! Lama was truly Merde…

Diving in at Number 4…Marvellous MERVYN DAY – Now as a young kid, I didn’t mind young Merve, and my sister had a poster of him on her wall. In 1974, Ron Greenwood gave the baby faced goalkeeping prodigy the nod to replace the smaller, more dour Bobby Ferguson. Looking like someone out of the Bay City Rollers, young Merve took custody of the number 1 jersey and quickly became the darling of the terraces, earning rave reviews for his performances and even getting a standing ovation from the Kop – we lost 1-0 but it would have been ten but for the daring young Day. With great reflexes and a calm demeanour Mervyn seemed to have the world at his feet. A shoe in for an England cap, when they were worth having, he went on to play in 2 major Finals with the Irons, and all seemed well until one fateful evening in the long defunct Anglo Italian Cup when Fiorentina paid a visit to the Boleyn. Going for a routine cross, young Merv spilled it resulting in an Italian goal which turned into a 1-0 defeat. The following week he did it again. And shortly after that again. The bubble had burst and after 2 years he was gone. Leaving us with just memories and those spotty teenage girls screaming at him from the Chicken run…

Apply now for the dream job – Read about West Ham and YOU get PAID http://bit.ly/ffc-foreverwestham

Sneaking in a Number 3 we have none other than MR STEPHEN BYWATER. Imagine you’re making your League debut as a much heralded legend of the future, signed from Blackpool while still in the womb, with more great expectations than a Charles Dickens novel (happy 200th Chaz for yesterday). Young Steve marched onto the field ready to make the first of at least 500 appearances for the Cockney boys. in front of him, the likes of Di Canio, Lampard, Sinclair…and Margas. And you’re playing against Bradford’s finest after they had scrambled into the Premier League. What could possibly go wrong?? Defending veering between suicidal and non-existant. Oh and Stephen not really being tall enough. Final score – Five four to the Hammers. Career over. A footnote however. One save from a free kick seconds after coming on to replace the stricken Jimmy Walker in the Preston Play Off Final really does get him out of jail. Nice one Stephen.

And so we go to our TOP TWO…who would be yours?? Here’s one from so far left of the left field it’s out of bounds.

Bounding in at Number 2 is none other than Sir Robert Moore…

Yes, really. As West Ham and Stoke contested their epic League Cup Semi Final Replay Replay for the pleasure of beating Chelsea in the final, who could have guessed the drama that would follow. Playing on a pitch that was seven parts water and three parts mud both sides were battling hard when Hammers keeper Bobby Ferguson sustained a head injury. With no reserve keeper on the bench West Ham did what any sensible side would have done when trying not to concede a goal. They put their World Cup winning, England captaining, Pele stopping centre half between the sticks. Even so, the Hammers fashioned a lead only to be pegged back once again and after a slack bit of defending by John Mcdowell – surely not?? – the ref duly awarded Stoke a penalty. Stoke striker Barnard almost apologetically stepped up and drilled the ball hard and low to the right only for Mooro to dive, text book like, to save at full stretch and begin to drown in a sea of mud. Sadly, the wet conditions simply caused the ball to rebound nicely into the path of the jubilant Barnard who lashed it into the net to send Stoke through. So the worst West Ham exponent of saving penalty rebounds…Step up Sir Bobby Moore. What a legend.

 

CALLING ALL HAMMERS – WANTED: TWO tickets to watch Team GB at Wembley in 2012 Olympics in exchange for a RARE mint condition West ham United Carling Cup programme v Aldershot postponed tie on August 3 2011. Ring 07949122789.

Now you all know who numero uno is going to be so pointless trying to be clever here…

At Number 1…responsible for various states of coronary heart disease, stress, strokes, domestic violence, alcoholism and depression. And that was just what he did to me. I give you ALLEN MCNIGHT.

The big giveaway here folks is that he was Scottish. You know, not in the left back Ray Stewart or up top Frank Mcavennie Scottish but a Scottish goalkeeper for chrissakes. I know things may have improved up there slightly of late but let me take you back to the late 80’s when mullets were still hanging around and I was waiting to go to the World Cup. All I have to say to bring those of a nervous disposition an attack of the hebee geebees is League Cup Semi Final first leg, at home, Luton Town. Highlights included Julian Dicks playing most of the match with concussion and Mick Harford realising that he could score whenever he felt like it. Oh and our Goalkeeper. In a nutshell, he made the worst goalie you can imagine look like a combination of Banks, Shilton, Khan, Van Der Sar. Even Sly Stallone in Escape to Victory looked like a pro compare to dear old Allen. I won’t go into detail here but suffice to say we lost 4-0 and although we got some pride back in the second leg we were out. The next day the Papers simply said ‘Mcnightmare’. That night we all had one…

Over and out…

Looking for experience? Just want to be heard outside of the Boleyn? We are currently looking for writers, drop us an email at foreverwestham@snack-media.com for more details