When given the task of choosing a worst West Ham XI to represent us in the Premiership, I thought it easy. Unfortunately, deciding who ‘justified’ a place proved almost impossible.
It would have been easy to choose players who I just plan didn’t like, but in the interests of fairness I have to be honest and begrudgingly omit them. For those of you interested, I would have loved to include Fredi Kanoute. Though popular with many, for me he just never did it. Maybe it was his lazy demeanour.
Maybe it’s because he signed for T*ttenham or maybe it’s because I thought he was arrogant and didn’t realise his full West Ham potential.
Anyway, he’s NOT included, but the following eleven chumps are:
Stephen Bywater
A goalkeeper who never filled a crowd or defence with confidence. Could have easily got a sponsorship deal with teflon for his non stick handling. Would have cost us £1.75m if he’d represented England. That money was safe.
Gary Charles
Famous for being the player who was fouled when Gazza injured himself, joined West Ham from Benfica and proceeded to be as effective as the proverbial chocolate fireguard. Has spent seven years on his autobiography, took longer over a clearance.
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Herita Ilunga
I don’t really know where to start with Rita. A player who looked good to begin with. So much so Liverpool put in a bid rumoured to be £7m for him. After his promising start, Ilunga became synonymous with our annual struggles. Trapping the ball further than I can volley it, Ilunga was recently released by Doncaster Rovers. Maybe believing his own publicity was a mistake….
Gary Breen
Overpriced as a Bosman free signing, Breen is one of the worst players I’ve ever seen. When we lost 6-0 to Man United in the FA Cup, Breen set a record by being at fault for seven goals. A shocking player, not enough lager has been brewed to make him look passable.
Ragnvald Soma
The only thing more difficult than pronouncing his christian name, is establishing how Soma was ever offered a contract. Slower than a stationery milk float and with the ability to match, Soma was an easy pick
Robbie Slater
Signed as part of the deal that took Matty Holmes to Blackburn Rovers, Slater came to us as a Premiership winner. Failed to look anything better than mediocre in warm-up, seamlessly managed to transfer his poor skills into game time.
Ilie Dumitrescu
Bought in by Harry after his promising start to his T*ttenham career, Dumitrescu came in giving West Ham fans high hopes. Failing to relive his his previous exploits in England, Dumitrescu appeared in just 10 West Ham games, managing disappointing displays at best.
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Dale Gordon
Came in as a pacy winger who was described on wikipedia as a player ‘who excited supporters by running at defenders and setting up numerous goals for his team mates’ In his nine games he scored one (I think v Coventry) and failed to excite supporters and set up numerous goals. A waste of money and best forgotten. Now director of football at the other Theatre Of Dreams, Great Yarmouth
Yaniv Katan
I’ve mentioned this lad before in a previous piece. Though there was little expectation or excitement around his signing he still managed to disappoint. Possibly the biggest ears in Hammers’ history though
Titi Camara
Eleven league games. No goals. Was unlucky to have lead weights placed in his boots before every game. Signed on the basis of looking good scoring goals for Liverpool. Looked uninterested and out of shape. Turning circle the size of a basketball court, for a striker who signed to play and score, he failed to do both in almost equal measure.
Mike Newell
Scored a hat-trick in the Champions League (obviously not for us!) Was only a loan signing but was first name on my teamsheet. I don’t remember the game but I remember watching him as a teenager and thinking he was the worst player EVER in a West Ham strip. And I include replica shirts. Just awful.
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So there’s my team. Managed obviously by Avram Grant, a man who made Glenn Roeder look charismatic. Other mentions who didn’t make it go to Tyrone Mears, Roy Carroll and Kovac though I’m sure there are many I’ve forgotten!
Please, if there are, feel free to mention them, and please, don’t have nightmares.
Surely Nigel Quashie should have got a look in! Shocking Shocking player!
It’s a shame your only deciding on a worst premiership xl cos undoubtably the worst west ham players of all time has to be David Kelly and Alan McKnight !!!
I’ve gone for the same two. I got so wound up watching them I nearly had a stroke!
No benni maccarthy or piqquione or carrew or DYER or savio or boa morte or davenport or bentley or upson or kepa or jimanez or boffin or mido or keane or quashie or lujmberg and the list goes on and on and on and on and on ……..
Sasa Ilic, Wayne Quinn, Rigobert Song, Christian Dailly, Regnvald Soma, Nigel Quashie, Luis Boa Morte, Freddie Lungberg, Joey Beaucamp, Marco Boogers & Alex Bunbury.
Who can get worse than that XI?.
ha ha weve had some tossers over the years havent we , but fatty mido and fatty mccarthy have to be the worst strikers (let off for piqionne) and allen mcknight as the worst keeper in the clubs history
Premier League?
Did you know that football existed before the Premiership began?
Well aware of football before the advent of the Premiership but as the editor asked me to write about our worst Premiership XI I thought it only right to do that.
Got to be Alan McKnight in goals and David Kelly up front. Did Joey Beauchamp ever play? Can’t remember.
Shawn Newton, who seemed to only get in a match at the 90th minute, probably cause sniffing some blow for the first 90.
and remember Neil Mellor? came in on loan from the pool, scored twice in his first game, got hurt never scored again.
and another loan bust not mentioned here Jeremie Aliadiere… Came in on loan from Le Arse and never scored…
But as a Yank the worse Hammer for me was Jonny Spector. Looked lost half the time the other half was adjusting his knickers. he had the one moment of glory vs Man U, hen went back to being a boot licker.
I don’t think Ilunga belongs on this list. For the entire first season he was at West Ham, he was as good a player as we had. Of course everything after that was terrible but it was just a case of an aging body letting down a player who is rumored to be several years older than what his birth certificate says.
GK- McKnight
DF R Song, C Dailly, H Mullins,M Upson
MF N Quashie (definitely!) Kieron Dyer, David Bentley
FW Titi Camara, Beni McCarthy Marco Boogers
Rlk1 mate
You lack imagination and experience on this one.
How can you even consider Hayden Mullins (Particularly in defence, he rarely played) he was an integral part of a very successful team under Pardew.
And Dailly?? You mean Christian Dailly who played internationally over 100 times, 550 league games and a player whose transfers fees topped £8million…….Surely you can pick any number of players who have embarrassed the Claret & Blue more than that….
Quashie for sure, Beni of course, the team sheet comes with the name Boogers alredy printed on it?>?